health update and a smaller reflection

i feel so much more empathy for my grandmother.

i always had incredible empathy for her, more than anyone else in the world. she has gone through so much. years ago, continuous leg surgeries and improper care have left her legs permanently swollen and in constant pain.

i was just in the operating room for 5 hours for major hip surgery.

as my knees and hip began to swell these past few days, they start to resemble those of my grandmother’s. the stiffness and soreness getting out of bed in the morning make me wince in pain. i feel emotionally raw and easily undone by small things. i’m catching my digestion burps mimicking exactly those of hers. all of this reminds me of her.

i crumble inside contemplating about how long she’s had to bear this for. it’s been 5 days for me but a quarter of a lifetime for her. the small indignities of recovery that i’m already desperate to escape are things she has learned to call life. i have known this for a long time, but knowing something and feeling it are different things entirely.

in these days of recovery i think of her constantly and draw strength from her without her even knowing. of course, i talk to her over the phone more frequently than ever.

i can’t wait to go back to india and meet her. i miss her so much. love you, dadisaa

rishabh

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